THIS is what I was missing?

Before the fall of 2006 when I received my CPAP, I rarely dreamed, if at all. Or if I did dream, I never remember them. Severe sleep apnea doesn't let you reach REM sleep which is where all the good stuff happens. Shortly after beginning treatment, I began to remember them...or at least that I had one. Most have been your standard fair, really. Luge lessons, meat helmets, inventing the question mark, etc. But last nights still has me scratching my head "huh?"

It started out with me and the guys eating at the local KFC when Bill shows up. He says "Sup?" in customary fashion, then makes an exit with the owner to the "upstairs" of the KFC. I think nothing of it and return home from work where Prudence is watching TMZ-like footage of "the final moments of Bill." I tell her I just saw him today at lunch. Apparently when he went upstairs, he walked in on a ping pong tournament and tripped over something - maybe a stray ping pong ball - cracking his head open. Fortunately for the tabloids - which are constantly following him - someone had video of him meeting us for lunch, then of the accident that claimed his life. This was playing repeatedly on TV and people like Larry King were talking about it. Then I woke up. But I was still in a dream.

It turns out that I was really dreaming within my dream. I don't know where I was when I woke up from the "Death of Bill" dream, but apparently they had moved one of the accounting buildings from UIUC to my work as I went there to meet some of my friends to tell them about the dream. When I walked in, I found Danimal escorting Triple J Newbie around the premises. Triple J is actually not a work friend, but a very good friend from my college days. Now he's a big wig in large national corporation. But in this dream he'd given up that career to become a motivational/inspirational speaker or life coach. Not the Chris Farley kind - more like the bald guy you see during PBS pledge drives. Danimal - who has no business doing this - was escorting Triple J around the grounds, attracting huge crowds and stopping every so often to give people neck rubs. That's when I woke up.

I'm not sure what this says about my subconscious, but I pretty sure I need to (a) apologize to Bill and Danimal and (b) spend more "quality time" with Prudence.

Maybe Elmer Fudd should drive a car

Last Monday the guy with the big tiller came to Casa de ssminnow7 to work up my garden. Tuesday I planted 2 cucumber plants, 4 jalapeno plants and 16 tomato plants. Wednesday I consulted the dude with the best tomatoes (his ALWAYS looks so great!) to get his advice on the best ways to fertilize and stake up my garden. Friday I mowed, and while I went around my garden I found this:

I don't know what the Chinese calendar says, but as far as I'm concerned it's the Year of the Rabbit. There have been bunnies-a-plenty in my neighborhood. Normally, Lance (our golden retriever) keeps them our of our yard by his mere presence. But this year the numbers are too great, which must make them bold. I've even see them eating some of the clover which grows in the area where Lance does his business (weed killing - yet another job I need to get done this week!). He knows it, too, because he darts to the area every time I let him out.

This morning Lance and I were taking our morning walk. We typically cross a fairly busy country road to go to our church to make a lap or two around the property. Today we found not one but 2 rabbit roadkills that weren't there last night. My guess is that they got a little too bold. Or they suck at Frogger.

Either way, maybe Elmer Fudd should invest in an SUV...

Brown-Good, Red-BAD!

Over the last 6-8 months, I've been trying to live a better diabetic lifestyle.  Cutting out carbs where I can.  Gone are the late night ice cream treats, standard fast-food joint combo meals, and extra helpings of mashed potatoes. 

Suck.

Well, at least I still had my caffeinated drinks.  That was until I read multiple reports like this, which say that caffeine inhibits the body's ability to process sugars via insulin.  I felt my numbers weren't reflecting the sacrifices I was making to get them lower, so I decided to see if this study was true.  So on January 8th, I began my caffeine-free diet.  Almost immediately I saw my numbers lower by as much as 20 points.  Finally, an encouraging turn!  But now I was relegated to drinking water (no flavor) and caffeine-free Diet Pepsi (brown crayon water). 

Double Suck.

On Wednesday of this week I was whining to a lady coworker about how much I hate my eating life when she told me about flavor packets for water.  Basically, adult Kool-Aid with aspartame.  She offered me a few packets - grape (her favorite), lemonade, cherry lemonade, and raspberry ice.  So beginning Thursday, I started my second (third, fourth, or nth) childhood.  Grape was good.  The lemonade flavors left gunk at the back of my throat.  But the raspberry ice showed promise.

This morning I had 40 oz of the raspberry ice mixture.  Things went well until about 10am when I felt The Urge.  You know The Urge.  If you say you don't know The Urge, you're lying.  It's the one where you feel like Jim Phelps from Mission Impossible hearing the message that your colon will self-destruct in 60 seconds.  Hopefully you're not in a car,  in the boss' office, on the phone, with a long-winded co-worker, or - gasp! - giving a presentation or speech!  Luckily, I could hit the "send calls" button and quickly scoot to the basement bathroom.

Interlude...

I have a lot of bathroom rules - one of which is that you don't show your co-workers "who Number 2 works for."  The sounds and smells that are produced are best left anonymous, and that can only be accomplished by not letting the people who know you see you walk out of the stall.  Hence, I go to another location.  And the beautiful thing is that no one expects to see me in the basement bathroom.  Score!  Now, back to the story....

I arrive at the "Cadillac of the poopin' stools" - the handicrapper - and do my business.  A little more liquid than what I like, but nothing that I wasn't expecting based on The Urge.  As I left I sensed that I wasn't quite "finished" but felt that it was "safe" to return to my desk.  Forty-five minutes later I was back.  Even more liquid, but now with a red tint.  Lunch followed with a trip to the potty about an hour later.  This time all liquid, AND ALL RED!  I couldn't believe what I was seeing!  It was almost like the  Nile water-turned-to-blood scene from "The Ten Commandments".  I began to freak out.  All I could do was clean up and run!  I'm not even sure I flushed!  The next user was likely to have a heart attack from what he would see.  Scratch that - it'd probably be me based on the 3 "big potties" at work today (a record I hope not to break)...

When I got back to my desk, I looked at one of the packages I'd been ingesting (not digesting).  It said:  "Crystal Light On The Go!"

I should say so.

 

POST SCRIPT:  Prudence was reviewing this post (lucky lady!).  She questioned the use of the manufacturer's name in the post and pondered whether I could be sued.  Then we joked that all I needed was a 40oz drink and about 3 hours to produce the evidence.  I think I'm in the clear...unlike my pooh.

Feeling Pops Pull

I'm probably in the deepest writing funk since I started blogging 3 years ago.  Not for a lack of material.  The kids say and do the darndest things.  The guys at work are a gnat's hair away from being an ensemble cast in a sitcom.  And I'm as neurotic as George Costanza.  But I can't get the stories to come out of my head.  So I sit in front of my monitor and wait.  Days become weeks, which then becomes months. So what do to break the cycle?  Write something.  And when I can't write about anything else, I can always write about music.

Last year about this time I professed my love for Fountains of Wayne.  But in working thru the obsession, I discovered it was more about my love for pop music.  As much as I try to branch out into other genres and groups, I'm always drawn back to pop music.  The hooks, guitar licks, drum beats, harmonies, and clever/cliche lines cut deep into the vinyl of my life.  My XM presets include Top Tracks, Big Tracks, The Loft, Fred, Lucy, MLB, and XM Starbucks Cafe, but buttons 6, 7 and 8 are almost worn out from The 60s, 70s, and 80s, where the kings and queens of pop music live.

But as much as it pains me to say it, I was growing tired of my music.  I needed something new.  Enter FoW.  But it didn't end there.  Thanks to Amazon and iTune's precognitive software, they led me to a whole host of pop albums and artists.  Below is a mix that I put together based on some of the new stuff I discovered, and some of the older/rarer stuff I had.  And when I say new, you need to be thinking "used car."  It's new to me - and that's all that matters.

1. "Number 45 Sunblock/Maureen" by Fountains of Wayne
   This may be my favorite opening to an album ever, and it was the perfect kickoff for the mix!  "Maureen" has every element that makes a pop song great.  I catch myself humming it at least once a week, and then I can't get it out of my head until I listen to something else.  And I'm okay with that.  If you want to listen to the song (and watch some Japanese Anime), take a listen to this YouTube clip.
2. "Adelaide" by Anberlin
   Fantastic drum work with infectious vocals.  Check out this clip, although you really need to listen to a quality MP3 or CD to get the full drum effect.
3. "Break It Out" by The Rocket Summer
   The vocals from this kid make me think of Michael Jackson.  The energy and message from this song picks me up every time I listen to it.  Yet another clip.
4. "We Do This To Ourselves" by Sherwood
   Very simple song with some great hooks that makes me nod my head to the rhythm - almost like Eddie Rabbit's "I Love a Rainy Night", except its good.  Does it exist on YouTube?  You bet! 
5. "Folk Singer" by Brendan Benson
   Every person reading this blog needs to go out and buy/download this song and the album - "Lapalco" - it's from.  I mean it!  Stop what you're doing and go buy it!  Now!!!  At least go take a listen.  It came out of nowhere to be in my top 20 albums.  Great music and lyrics.  My favorite lyric is: "ain't got time for my beddin' she said, 'Stop pretending.  Your not John Lennon.'"
6. "Miracle Medicine" by Jason Falkner
   Now that you've bought "Lapalco", go buy "Presents Author Unknown"!  Didn't think this entry was going to be this demanding, did you?  It's an absolute treat!  But sorry, its the first one on the list w/o  YouTube representation.
7. "All I Have" by Mike Viola & The Candy Butchers
   Mike may have the perfect voice for pop music.  I love this guys vocals!  So much so, I've included...
8. "That Thing You Do" by The Wonders
   Yup.  Maybe my all-time favorite 60s single that was never a single.  I could listen to an 80 minute disc of just this song.  Maybe my next mix...if you can call one song a mix.  Take a listen!
9. "Paperback Writer" by The Beatles
   Yeah, there are probably better pop songs from the Fab Four, but this song just doesn't get enough pub.  It really showcases Harrison's guitar work, and proves that Ringo can really play the drums!  No good versions on YouTube, but you've probably already heard it before.
10. "Bus Stop" by The Hollies
    What a fun song!  Probably should have put it after Maureen based on the lyrics, but it had a better feel here in the 60s set...  No video.
11. "I Wanna Be With You" by The Raspberries
    The vocals make the song, although I really like the horns in the middle.  Can't tell you how many times I've tried to reach the high notes with Eric Carmen when he sings "so BADDDD".  No video.
12. "In Quintessence" by Squeeze
    Three pieces of vinyl I had to replace with CDs when bought my first player was "Reckoning" by REM, "Sgt. Peppers" by The Beatles, and "Singles, 45s and Under" by Squeeze.  This is just a great song.  No video.
13. "So It Goes" by Nick Lowe
    An entry from "Pure Pop for Now People" HAD to be included.  Luckily a friend of mine converted this album from vinyl a few years ago.  I'd have been lost without it.  You can find most of it on "Basher: The Best of Nick Lowe", but there's nothing like hearing this song kick off an album.  It can actually be considered a Rockpile song.  Which leads me to...
14. "Teacher Teacher" by Rockpile
    These guys could have been as big as CCR with a little more airplay.  Take a listen.
15. "Whenever Your On My Mind" by Marshall Crenshaw
    I played the crap out of this record in college.  The drums are incredible.  A guy on my floor saw him play at Mabel's in Champaign and said the drummer (who I think is Crenshaw's brother) played so hard he went thru at least a dozen pairs of drumsticks.  Here it is.
16. "I'm in Line" by The Bangles
    Unlike The Go-Go's, these girls can play!  It's from their first EP.  And this video is awesome!
17. "Every Word Means No" by Let's Active
    I bought this EP when I first started listening to REM.  Mitch Easter was producing their albums.  And his stuff was great!  I think I've heard this song play on the background of a couple of TV shows - "Friends" being one of them.  Take a listen.
18. "Love Control" by Color Me Gone
    The Wikipedia entry for Marti Jones does a better job of explaining the origins of this song and EP.  I am so glad my friend transferred this from vinyl.  It's quite a gem!  No video.
19. "Throw It Away" by Joe Jackson
    More of a rock piece than a pop song, but I just had to include it.  And this is another album ("Look Sharp") that should be in everyone's collection!  No video.
20. "There She Goes" by The La's
    It's incredibly sad that this group could only put out one album, but I'm grateful that they did.  This is by far the best version of this song.  Almost hypnotic.  Video.
21. "She's Electric" by Oasis
    Is there anyone that doesn't have a copy of this album?   It's easy to see why people compared them to The Beatles when it came out.  Too bad they couldn't repeat it.  Great stuff.  Here's the video.
22. "Nice to Fit In" by Josh Rouse
    A nice find thanks to The Loft on XM.  I think I like this single best, but his best album is "Subtitulo."  No video.
23. "Circle" by Swan Dive
    Almost makes me think of a Burt Bacharach - Hal David song.  Do yourself a favor: listen and watch this video!
24. "The Country Life" by The Bees (US)
    If this song doesn't lift your spirits, you're dead.  Here's the video.
25. "I'm Alright" by Owsley
    This maybe the one cut that I wish I hadn't included in the mix.  It's a good song, but it doesn't really fit.  I like the album, and I know it won a Grammy, but it's just okay compared to the other stuff on the disc.  But because it was from my "new" pile, I felt I had to include it.  No video.
26. "This is Life?" by The Tories
    This is a great song, but it's not one I find myself listening to a lot.  Don't know why.  Maybe that's why I included it here.  No video.
27. "Built to Last" by Melee
    If this song doesn't end up in a movie or TV show, it'd be a cryin' shame.  This one will lead off my "Love Songs" mix whenever I get around to making it.  Great vocals and very catchy.  Take a listen.

The beautiful part of this mix is that it uses up all but 15-30 seconds of a disc - a huge plus for me!  If anyone would like a free copy of it, just send me a note at ssminnow7 (at) gmail dot com.  If the disc doesn't stay in your player for a week, I'll refund double your money :)

Hopefully this effort will be one of many future post.  Only time will tell.  If anything, there's always more music...

You Heard It Here First

I'm really taking a big risk here.  Hundreds of thousands of dollars - maybe millions - are at stake.  All it takes is one opportunistic surfer to Google a few key words and he/she comes up with the idea of a lifetime.  Something that could land a person at least a wikipedia entry and probably an reference on VH1's "I Love the Oughts" in 20 years, and quite possibly an address of One Easy Street Lane.  But I haven't the patience to work the system, and I'm incredibly lazy (as seen by the long blog absense).  And I have to get this off my chest before one of the other guys at work takes credit for it.  Consider this post my bar napkin idea.  Maybe it'll mean somthing in a court of law.

Picture this 30 second spot on a Thursday night show:

The scene opens on a city street outside a mechanic's garage.  It's mid-day.  The sun is shining brightly.  The camera pans to the front door of the business.  Cars on lifts, workers covered in grease, and customers reading year-old issues of Time magazine and Sports Illustrated.  Mechanics and customers alike glance at the clock as it edges ever closer to Noon.  Switch the scene to a corporate building.  Workers are in their little cubicles, typing away at boring computer monitors, anxiously watching the clock as it inches closer to 12pm.  Another scene is shown:  two retired couples traveling down a city street in a Lincoln Continental (with the left hand turn signal on), glancing regularly at their watches and the clock in the car as it move within ticks of straight up 12:00.  Then, in each of the scenes, the clock strikes noon.

Immediately, the folks in these settings begin to yell "Piiiiieeeeee!" like Ogre yelling "Neeeerrrrrdddds!" in "Revenge of the Nerds".  Guys dropping tools, customers throwing down magazines, corporate folks rushing out of cubes, and old people in their cars - all yelling "Piiiiieeeeee!"  They join others in the streets.  Everyone is yelling "Piiiiieeeeee!"  Then they all converges on Baker's Square, still yelling "Piiiieeeee!"

Then the voice of the announcer:  "Come join us for Pie Day Friday™ tomorrow at Baker's Square."

Can't you just see "Piiiieeeee!" becoming as big as "Where's the beef?", "Whazzzup?", or "Dude!"  Watercoolers will be buzzing!  Blogs will be...blogging!  And people will pile thru the doors in piepan-loads!  This could be huge!  For someone - just not me.  But remember: you heard it here first.

BTW:  I will be yelling "Piiiieeeeee!" on my way to a soup, salad and a slice of French Silk pie tomorrow at Baker's Square.  Care to join me?