"Lunch Buddies! That's what they'll call us!!!"

Shortly before Christmas, Prudence and I received a coupon for a free meal at our local Ned Kelly's Steakhouse.  Its a favorite place to eat, but because of the craziness of December, we weren't able to use it then.  It's set to expire tomorrow, so she and I have plans to use it during my lunchtime.  Not the most ideal use of this coupon (it's valued for a meal up to $15 - hard to do at lunch), but we/I would feel like I'm throwing away money if we/I don't use it.  Plus she and I can alway use a getaway meal just to ourselves!

But this brought up a discussion of my lunches.  Some of my favorite stories happen during the lunch hour.  I haven't had much of an opportunity to share them here - partly because they can be long and involved (you really need to know the personalities in order to see the humor in many of them) and partly because I don't think I "own" many of them, so I don't feel like it's my job to share them.  Not that I've been immune to being the butt of jokes - I'd say I'm probably 1 or 1a in that department - but they seem to belong to the group.  There have been instances where we've witnessed some strange people, some bizzare exchanges between customers and/or servers (at times its been one of us on the weird end), and have even witnessed people being fired ('member our flannel friend, Bill?  He ALWAYS got us the big pops!).  Maybe I'll share some of these in the future, but today I need to share some of the lunch personalities, rules and quirks so you'll feel part of our group.  Not that I would go and brag about that.  Most people want to have nothing to do with us.  Just think nerds in a fast-food rut that like to talk about bodily functions and all things potty and you pretty much have us pegged.  But just to be sure, let me tell you about a few:

• Chris
  • Likes lunches that are a good mix of volume and price.  Usually goes with value meals, unless the same volume/taste can be achieved by piece-mealing from the regular menu.
  • Always chooses the same thing on the menu.  And its usually the item that they're known for.  If its McDonalds, its a Big Mac.  If it's Wendy's, its the Single.  If its Arbys, its the roast beef.  You find something you like and you go with it.  Forever.
  • The Whopper has fallen from his best burger value in town to probably 3 or 4.  And BK's fries suck.
  • Speaking of fries, McD's are the best.  Very tasty and salty.  Plus McD's has salt that is like white gold.  Yeah, he knows its bad for him, but he's a salt-aholic.
  • It drives him nuts to see people arrive at the register of a McDonalds and STILL not know what they're getting.
  • Usually eats his entire lunch without taking a drink.  This is a bummer because he feels he's missing out on free refills.
  • KFC buffet, Buffalo Wild Wings on Wednesday ($.50 legs), and Ming's chinese are his favorites, but rarely eats there.  More on this later.
  • Earlier this year brought his lunch for about 4 months in a row.  Each day featured a ham sandwich, a bag of chips, a Ding Dong, and an apple or banana.  No deviation.  Unfortunately this led to a burn-out on ham.  And this was from a guy who once boasted he could eat ham every day.  Now he's struggling to come up with another sandwich substitute.
• Ed (also known as "El Cheapo")
  • Driven by cost.  It could be dog crap as long as it's priced right.  He is easily angered if he calulates that someone else's meal cost 3 cents less just because they went with a smaller drink that could have been refilled.  Feels cheated that he didn't figure out until the end of the summer that he could have piece-mealed his McD's value meal with a ginormous $.69 pop and saved $.80.
  • Because of cost, he has a short list of eating establishments.  If its not McDs, Taco Bell, Taco John's, or Sam's Club (1/5 of pizza and pop for $2.72), he's going to complain.
  • He feels guilty for eating the kids pizza meal at Schlotzkey's, even tho it is the same meal as the "adult" meal and is $2 cheaper.
  • He's a pickle only person on his burger.  He inspects each order for traces of other substances.  If there's a pinch of lettuce or a dice of onion, he's going to complain.  Not to the servers but to us.
  • An addendum to the "pickle only" order:  if the pickles are stacked, they need to be redistributed.  If they don't fit on the burger in one level, they come off the sandwich and are never eaten.  This bothers Chris to no end.
  • If a fry has a brown spot on it, he won't eat it.  This also bothers Chris.  But sometimes it benefits him because those will be deferred to him.
  • He has a gentle digestive track.  Almost all foods disrupt it.  And there is usually a rush to get back to the office facilities.
• Pik
  • His diet is much like Ed's.  Burger places dominate (and he's a "ketchup only" dude), but is more flexible.  Almost always suggests Longhorn Smokehouse, but is usually shot down.  Not that we don't like it, it's just fun to do.
  • His teeth are in perfect condition, because he rarely chews his food.  Much like a snake, he uses his esophagus to push the food to his stomach where his bodily juices take care of the rest.
  • Also an extremely fast eater.  He always orders last and finishes first.
  • Has been known to pull into the parking lots eating establishments only to turn around and go to a less popular place, much to the chagrin of Chris.
  • When he brings his lunch to work, he usually eats it at his desk before 10am.  But he usually has the will power to resist buying anything at lunch - something Chris doesn't do.
  • He's usually the bearer of a card or coupon that will save us some cash.  For an entire year we ate once a week at Wendy's for a $.40 savings per meal on a card he bought from some high schooler.  The next year Dave died and prices went up by $.40.  Go figure.
• Rudiger
  • Newest  member of the regular lunch group - primarily because his other lunch buddy moved to Texas.  We were the default choice.
  • Complains about Ed's choices in food.  No chinese, no good mexican, no gyros, no anything else.  I'd say they might come to blows in the future, but that would be too much work for Rudiger. 
  • He is Chris' biggest ally for different food choices, but they rarely have enough power to outvote Ed and Pik.
  • Money is no object when it comes to his choices.  Another conflict with Ed.
  • He can easily be talked into larger, more expensive meal deals by food service workers.  Apparently he's weak minded to their Jedi powers.
  • Typically doesn't "clean his plate".  Chris is baffled by this.
  • He will probably will tire of the group's food choices and stupid discussions and begin eating alone with his cat.

So there it is in a nutshell - my lunch buddies.  Now that you have a feel for the group, look for a future installment of "Tales from the Lunch Line".  But for tomorrow, I'll enjoy a normal lunch with my beautiful wife.  It'll be a nice change of pace :)