Why They Play 162...

Yes, Ed.  I'm talking about baseball.  America's pastime.  At least it used to be, until Pete Rozelle and Paul Tagliabue made every move in the NFL a televised event.  Monday Night Football.  Thanksgiving games.  Draft day.  Oh, and the championship game played in late January or early February.  What's it called?  Oh, yeah.  The Super Bowl.  I'm sure I'll be sued for using it on my blog "without express written consent of the National Football League".

But before all of this, there was baseball.  The defining sport of a nation.  An eliquent game with a ball, a stick, 3 strikes, 4 balls, 3 outs, 4 bases on a diamond, 9 innings, 18 players, and 140/154/162 games.  Every starting pitcher has the possibility to pitch in 30-35 games.  Starting position players get 500 at bats to get hits and multiple chances per game to record an out.  People who follow baseball don't talk about games, but groups of games called series.  The game is all about providing chances to prove yourself.   And what's more American than that! Right now I'm watching my team (the St Louis Cardinals) play their 156th game to prove their worth for post season.

Early in the season the Cards showed they could be the class of the National League by winning series after series and leading their division by as many as 11 games.  A 4-game losing streak in early May showed the could be beaten, but they quickly righted the ship.  But then June came and they lost more than they won.  They even lost 8 in a row during a stretch at the end of the month, but because the rest of the teams in their division were also losing their lead remained big.  Winning 3 out of 4 against rival Houston gave everyone renewed hope that they would return to form.

But by the midsummer classic, their form was already showing.  The starting pitching struggled to go deep into games.  The bullpen struggled to hold leads.  Their closer, Jason Isringhausen, blew more save opportunities than he had in years past.  But fortunately they had the best player of this generation in Albert Pujols (go ahead and challenge me on this, but he's doing things only legendary hall-of-famers did) to save their fannies.  And this year he's doing it without the help and protection of Scott Rolen and Jim Edmunds.  In addition, the defense up the middle has been average at best, where in previous years it had been incredible.  But when the math still came out, the positives still outweighed the minus, and the team was still good.  But they had another 75 games to play...

Playing .500 ball will not win you championships.  Another 8 game losing streak in July/August will not win you championships.  Playing less than .500 ball loses your home field advantage.  A 6 game losing streak at the end of September when the teams right behind you are on winning streaks leaves your magic number at 5 for the last week and reduces your lead in the division to 2.5 games.  If you lose the division, your record is so pathetic you can't even make it as the wild card.  It's do or die.  And right now, the Cards are on life support.  Will they make it into the post season?  We'll know this weekend.  If my heart can take it. 

But that's why they play 162.  That's the beauty of the game.  After that many chances, we find out what teams really deserve to be in the playoffs.  It's not like the NBA or NHL (who's really following this sport anymore - baseball barely survived losing a World Series, let alone a whole season!) where half the league makes the second season.  And football has a good season length, but because of the brutal nature of the sport, the loss of a key player for a week or 2 can be the difference between a playoff birth and a good position in next year's draft.  But in 162 game in 180 days, you can measure a team's metal for the long haul.  Sure there are streaks (both good and bad), but they even out.  Guys go down, but many times they have a chance to come back - just like Jim Edmunds did last night with a 3 run home run in his first at-bat after a month out of the lineup.  But the patterns of the team will develop and be evident to everyone over the course of the long season.  The right teams will win and lose.  And the true champion will be crowned.  Unfortunately, it probably won't be St. Louis.

Tonight, the boys wearing the Birds on the Bat lose again.  Ace pitcher Chris Carpenter gives up 4 runs in a disasterous 7th inning to put the Padres ahead 6-5.  In the 8th inning, Pujols comes up as the tying run at the plate, but just misses his pitch and pops it up to center field.  A lead-off hit in the bottom of the 9th goes to waste as the rest of the order goes quietly.  The losing streak is 7 - the Cardinals have now had 3 losing streaks of  7+ games (not the mark of a division champion) - and their lead over the Astros is 1.5.  Earlier this month, a fellow Cards fan sent me an email rejoicing when the Cubs had finally fallen to the cellar.  I couldn't join in the jocularity knowing the Cubs were also the team involved in one of baseball's most famous collapses.  Now we might be replacing them in the history books.

You know, maybe 156 games is better measure of a team...

Over-The-Shoulder-Boulder-Holders

When was the last time you heard that term? Third-grade? Well, welcome to my reality! I'll get to the reason why this is the title in just a moment, but first: an introduction into the story...

Our house is just over 7 years old and most of the rooms still have the contractor's High-hiding White paint on the walls. If you've ever been in a new construction with contractor paint, you know this stuff is not meant to last more than a month without showing wear. Add 3 kids, a dog, and an incredibly slobbish guy and you get a cave. Suffice it to say that I have a lot of painting to do.

One of the rooms in desperate need of fresh paint was the hall bathroom. Because we began an Illini theme to the room a few years ago (a couple of U of I landmark sketches, an "Illini Fans Parking Only" sign hung above the potty, and navy blue shower curtains and towels), I thought it would be great if the room were painted orange. Prudence balked at the idea. When she consulted one of our friends, Sue, who's taste she trusts, she thought she'd get different response. But Sue was on my side! So Prudence agreed to a trial period on an Illini orange paint job. She seems to think it was 2 months, but I don't remember a time period being set (but that's a different argument...). Since I didn't want the agreement to expire - guys, you know what I'm talking about - I needed to get the paint bought and on the wall...pronto! So this past Saturday afternoon, I made plans to go to Lowes and get my supplies for painting Sunday afternoon (it was supposed to rain).

When I told Prudence I needed to make a Lowes run, she asked me if I'd run a couple of other errands: look for dress shoes for The Boy and return/exchange/buy some items at Kohl's. Save a trip into "town" and saving some gas? Sure, just print off the descriptions of the items at Kohl's and I'll pick them up for you. This is where the title comes into play.

She wanted me to by a couple of bras for Panda.

I'm comfortable doing the laundry containing bras. I'm okay with seeing models in the Sunday ads containing women in bras. I've even come to grips that my daughter wears a bra (and has a monthly "visitor" to boot). But I'm not at ease with buying them. At a store. In a department that has never had a drop of testosterone in its isles. In front of people. Women somewhat, but mainly guys starring in from the "outside". Laughing. Even worse, not laughing but thinking I'm weird (in a way I'm not used to being thought of).

I gotta buy over-the-shoulder-boulder-holders. OTSBHs.

Suck.

Since I'd already "won" a victory with the orange paint, I thought I'd better keep up the good vibes and agree. My only stipulation was that everything about the bras needed to be written down on a piece of paper that could be handed off to a lady in that department so she could get the product for me and I would never have to set foot on their "domain". I'd still have to take them to the register, but there I could mix them in with other buys. The beauty of online shopping made this request a piece of cake. Now I needed to come thru with my end of the deal...

I arrived at Kohl's and make the necessary returns/exchanges. Now it was time for me to come thru. Fortunately Kohl's was running a good sale on long-sleeve dress shirts. Mine all look like crap, so I knew I'd be able to buy 2 or 3 to hide the OTSBH. I ended up with 6, just to make sure. Then I made my way to the "intimates".

I walk up and find no one to help me. Other departments have 2-3 people restocking shelves and refolding the merchandise, but there's no one close to the bras. I walk around the perimeter, hoping that the items would be on the endcaps and that they'd just jump into my arms (and underneath my shirts, of course!), but alas, it was not meant to be. So I wander into the Misses department right across the way and ask 2 women employees for help. They were sympathetic to my cause and rushed into action. Unfortunately they claimed to have no expertise in the bra department (huh?). Betty was the chief stocker for intimates and would be able to find what I wanted in a snap. The way they went to look for Betty was like I was a crash victim and they were looking for medical help. And of course they had to talk about it. Loudly. To each other. I felt like I was Michael Keeton in Mr Mom needing a price check on tampons. But in all their hustling and bustling (pun intended), they were able to scare up Betty. I gave her my sheet of paper and she said she new just where she put the items. Apparently they took up too much room in the middle of an isle, so they had to be moved to an endcap. But the endcap was within her intersanctum. And she wanted me to follow her. I paused at the place where the tile walkway gives way to the carpet of the department. It was almost like I was going into Narnia. I just hoped that Betty wouldn't be the White Witch. So I entered.

Betty showed me the bras I needed. They looked just like the other thousand that surrounded me. I just wanted to get 2 of them and leave! Then she asked me, "What color?" That was the one detail that wasn't on the sheet. Suck. I assumed that the color should be white, but you know what they say about "assume". So I called Prudence to confirm. Yes, 2 white bras. Well, they only had one in Panda's size. So Betty took me to another endcap to look for another. Please let there be one there to end this! No? Double suck. Oh, well, one's better than none. I'll be on my way. But no. Betty's good at her job. She told me that another shipment came in earlier in the day and that she wanted to check in back. She asked me to wait right there while she looked. I told her I'd wait in the main walkway until she returned. Time seemed to stand still. And it felt like everyone was watching me. To throw them (whoever "them" might be) off, I stared at the housewares. Great plan - I think it worked. Soon Betty returned letting me know that she couldn't find another. More loud talking, now in the middle of the big isle! "Thanks for all your help!" and I'm outta there. At the checkout, I had to fight back the urge to explain my purchase to the clerk. But once I got by her I was home free! Fortunately I saved the Lowes trip for last. It felt good to be back in a guy's element: spackling compount, sand paper, paint brushes, etc. Ugh! Ugh!

I was able to paint the bathroom on Sunday (and Monday because it takes semi-gloss too long to dry on cool rainy days). It turned out awesome! I just hope Prudence comes to like it as much as I do. If anything, she'll probably not ask me to buy any more OTSBHs if I have to get more paint...and I won't feel obliged to do so!

Livin' Like The Jetsons!

After years of sending Prudence every day down the road a quarter mile to the crick down by Jimmy's house to wash the clothes on a rock, I decided we could splurge this year and upgrade our laundry process.  What do you think?

Actually, Prudence hasn't done the wash on a rock in years:)  The drum in the Maytag we've had for the last 12+ years began to leak about 2 months ago.  I called the local repair man and found out that it would cost $250+ to fix, so we began the research.  And I'm using the royal "we" on this one.  You've got to know Pru to know that no purchase like this is done quickly or easily.  Every website and resource is read and re-read and everyone that's purchased a similar item is grilled.  She was intrigued with the promises made by the front load washer people.  Bigger loads, less water, and cleaner/"dryer"/less worn clothes at the end of the wash cycle.  And for the most part she found they were true.  Everyone she talked to raved about them.  The biggest deterent was the cost - $1000 (after stand and sales tax) for the one most people recommended: the Whirlpool Duet.  But most people claimed that the payback in water alone would be in about 3-5 years.  Labor Day weekend most everyone was running sales (and some with 1 year free financing!), so I told her she needed to pull the trigger.  So she got Best Buy and Lowes in a price war, and Lowes wanted her business more.  She drives a hard bargain!  Gotta love that girl!

Last Saturday the beast was delivered - free (part of Prudence's deal)!  She stayed home from The Boy's soccer game to be there for the delivery dudes.  They did an excellent job.  I guess the biggest complaint with these washers is that they spin so hard and fast that they shake the whole house if not leveled right.  The guys put in a load of towels (the heaviest thing we had a lot of), did a wash and rinse and leveled the thing to the point where I can't hardly hear/feel it when it runs.  Even quieter than our old one!  They were there about 1 hour and Prudence and Panda were able to make the end of Em's game.  When we arrived home, everyone crowded in our laundry room to bask in the glow of the miracle machine.  Prudence announced that it had a DVD that we needed to watch in order to run the thing.  A DVD?  To run a washing machine?  Yep.  And The Boy couldn't have been more excited.  He swore he'd watch the DVD all day.  Need to get the kid out more.  Anyway, all of us rushed into the living room and for the next 30 minutes were educated on the new way to clean clothes.  The washer would dispense soap, bleach, and fabric softener at "just the right times" to take the thinking/guesswork out of laundry.   But it was very picky about what kind of soap to use and how much to put in it.  It had safety features that would prevent the device from being used for evil instead of good by young laundramateers.  Unfortunately, the washers-in-training were also in the room, so they now know all its secrets.  Drat!

After we'd received our training - I'm still waiting for my framed certificate - we all went to the laundry room to give her a spin (pun intended).  The Boy called us on every cycle change.  It was amazing to watch it lazily flop our clothes around during the wash cycles and then turn around and spin like it was trying to open a wormhole for time/space travel.  After an hour, everything was finished.  The clothes seems to be a little dryer, and there was more of them to put in the dryer.  The dryer took everything in and dryed them as promised.  It was purchased 6 months earlier after the Maytag dryer failed for a 3rd time.  We went with an extra large conventional dryer then as Prudence's research showed that there was no advantage to purchasing a fancy front loader to match a future front loading washer.  Time will tell if it saves the condition of our garments and money in our checkbook.  No one at work has commented on my cleaner duds.  And if they did, I'd have to get another job.  Might have to anyway to pay for this new luxury...

Anyway, this new gadget makes me feel like George Jetson!  Now where do I pick up my space plane and the automatic dog walker?